Getting off to get up the career ladder: an unequal opportunity

An innovative sexual pleasure company has come up with a pro-bono lunchtime masturbation solution for career hungry executives, but is it more pro-boner than free for all?

I first heard about Hot Octopuss at Sexpo 2015 after a few glasses of wine and a few hours spent wandering around the conference centre to check out some of the stands. It didn’t take long for co-founder Adam Lewis to convince us that he had one of the coolest products on the market.

Pulse is a vibrator for men that uses medical technology to induce orgasm. Penile Vibratory Stimulation, originally used to help men with spinal injuries impregnate their partners, has been integrated into the “pulse plate” and can induce a powerful orgasm in men. They have since developed Pulse II, a couples toy which is used during intercourse. They soon found that the Pulse toys have huge medical benefits and can help men with limited mobility or erectile dysfunction to achieve orgasm. The Pulse II does all of this while maintaining intimacy with a partner - an impressive feat, and they have also received positive feedback from women with vaginismus who are unable to have penetrative sex.

More recently, Hot Octopuss have been in the press after they constructed what I like to refer to as an “executive wank booth” in Manhattan which contains a chair and a laptop with high speed wifi. They’ve called the masturbation station “GuyFi” and are marketing it at men who have busy work lives and need to relieve stress. Adam Lewis says “there’s no denying that working a nine to five job can be stressful on both your mind and body, especially in a non-stop city like Manhattan. It’s really important for guys to look after themselves so that they can stay healthy and focus properly on the task at hand”.

But I guess what I’m wondering is, what about the ladies?

We totally back the idea of a Jack Shack. What better time than your lunch break to climb aboard the wank wagon and do a bit of hasty self-care? We all know what it’s like to be caught short when you’re out of the house (I’m thinking of the time I had to dip into a shop changing room for 15 minutes of intimate relief. It got much less steamy when the shop assistant figured I’d been in there for a bit too long and asked me if I needed any help. I politely declined). I dig the fact that the bros on Wall Street need a break from time to time but I guess what I’m wondering is what about the ladies? Nobody’s queuing up to facilitate our lunch time quickies but we, too, need to look after ourselves so that we can “stay healthy and focus on the task at hand”. There might not be as many of us on Wall Street (let’s not forget that there are more people called John running FTSE companies than women) but there should be and there will be, and when that day comes we’ll need somewhere to tickle the taco too.

Use of the executive wank booth is currently free. The Hot Octopuss team say “all that we ask is they thank us when they get their promotion!” In the interests of equality in the workplace, maybe it’s time for a womens’ wank palace so women can get a share in those promotions too? In the meantime, here is a Spotify playlist we made to inspire you to masturbactivism.