Your guide to the Eurovision party that’ll show up on everyone’s gaydar

By Linnea Haviland

Eurovision Song Contest is without a doubt an international spectacle at the heart of many  LGBTQ+ calendars. Whether you’re a hard-core fan that’s spent the last six months prepping, or you were unaware there was anything going on before the finals, throwing the best Eurovision Party that has guests yelling “We are the heroes of our time” is probably at the top of your list. So let this be the year you finally face your Waterloo and make it a night to remember!

Overwhelmed already? Don’t worry, we’ve got your covered (we always keep it covered). Here are our top tips for having a safe, queer Eurovision extravaganza.
 

1) Be in love with the fairytale

Theme is EVERYTHING in Eurovision, whether that is silver disco robot queen or Count Dracula on a mountain of dancers. Now a must is to make this a queer extravaganza. Whether the theme is based on a past fave song or on the country hosting the ESC this year, make sure you add your personal LGBTQ+ flare to it. How to engage with the theme should I be you ask? The answer is “Everyway that I can” sung in full gusto. That means drinks, food, decoration, costumes, appearance and general attitude to life.

Sexy Tip: Make sure you’ve got condoms and sex toys in a colour that matches your theme. And stock up - remember you need to put on a new condom every time you switch partner or sex toys if you are sharing.
 

2) Let's speak dance

Eurovision always serves some extraordinary choreography. If you haven’t been Dancing Lasha Tumbai to all the old tracks this past week we highly recommend you pull an all-nighter in front of the mirror. Add some voguing moves as an homage to the OG Black Queens of the Harlem Ballrooms. Energy levels should be Ruslana 2004 - forever, and ever, go (Hey!), go (Hey!) Go wild dancers!

Sexy Tip: Follow our five step exercise plan and you’ll have stamina enough to keep it up all night.
 

3) The winner takes it all

A ESC sweepstake or bingo, much like a well-placed key change, is a recipe for success. Download the official score chart from the eurovision website and/or the Eurovision Mission bingo sheet. Approach this competitive part of the evening by channelling Agneta Fältskog and you’ll feel like you win when you lose…...Waterloo!

4) Fly on the wings of love

Eurovision is all about commUNITY - so let the love light carry. A place where Ukranian fire dancers, an Austrian drag queen and some Finnish hard-metal monsters can all come together and celebrate for a night is the vibe you need to be going for. Let love and acceptance be at the heart of your party - celebrating difference, unity and love so true you can paint your world in blue (shout out to the Cezar fans who got that one)

 

5) End on a high note

When Saara Aalto’s banger “I ain’t going to hold on to these Monsters anymore” starts to take on a new meaning for you, it’s time to wrap things up. Do a quick vocal warm up (we recommend the intro to Netta’s TOY) and bring out that clear alto “It’s time // for me to say goodbye”. Any self-respecting Eurovision fan will take the hint and move the party elsewhere

 

6) Euphoria

Taking the after-party to the bedroom (or living room, or maybe kitchen…) for some Boom Bang-a-Bang? Have your partner(s) yelling Douze Points! by practicing pleasure-centered sex. Make it a part of foreplay to ask your partner(s) what turns them on and what they like in sex, and communicate what you want and like. Then focus on and mutual pleasure, and try to think of sex as a pleasure journey rather than goal oriented. Keep communicating about what feels good throughout. Slow down or take a break when you feel close to orgasm to prolong and build pleasure and have everyone involved going uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-up.  If you’re into trying something new we recommend some eurovision-themed role play (Loreen inspired striptease anyone?). Trust me, these tips will have you singing Euphoria from now until the end of time.

Sexy Tip: Keep the Johnny Logans wrapped! Have lube and condoms/dental dams handy - you don’t want to be spending 20 minutes trying to remember where you last put them. And if alcohol, or any other intoxicating substances are involved (including Eurovision-induced high) remember to regularly check in with everyone involved to ensure ongoing consent. If you or your partner(s) are too intoxicated to make informed decisions or communicate needs and wants clearly, then sex is not in the cards. Rain-check for the Eurovision reruns.

That’s all folks! Our twelve point go to the super-fans who can name the number of Eurovision songs referenced in this blog! Have a safe sexy weekend

Linnéa and the SH:24 Team